#if you want to know what I’ve learned:
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wazzappp · 2 years ago
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Trying to figure out how he moves before trying to paint him
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enrapture · 5 months ago
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#we trade pain for wisdom#whatever the case may be if it’s you or if it’s me growth and change and learning from the mistakes are all that we can do#to add to it didn’t deserve to know me like that* or appreciate my time etc#but throughout all the hardship I’ve been through with people that I didn’t work out well with (familyfriends romantic relationships)#ive learned a lot throughout my life from people and myself included#I’m grateful and appreciative of the wisdom I’ve gained and how I’ve overcame it but sad & angry at the thought of remembrance#I know what I’m saying is vague and this post isn’t about a specific person but just looking at it as a whole#people who genuinely like you and care about you want the best for you and will want to make things work no matter what#people who value you don’t treat you like shit people who value you show appreciation for you#people who love you let you know just like people who don’t they all let you know#but there’s been some instances where I’ve been the one who made mistakes and caused issues and things of that nature#I’ve taken those mistakes and learn from them and have grown from them since they happened#that’s the point of life learning experiencing understanding and growing#with or without you I will be fine :) I’m happy whether you’re in or out of my life#that statement alone if I had been told that before I would’ve cried my eyes out but now I’m like I’m fine with or without I don’t need#anyone or anything but if you want to tag along that’s fine if you don’t want to that’s also fine the freedom is there#it’s freeing in my heart to say that tbh#I know my worth and what I deserve I’m not going to settle for less
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ivanttakethis · 6 months ago
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I could definitely see Till getting angry at Ivan for what happened during Round 6 and choking him as some sort of payback.
Only for Till to be horrified by the realization that Ivan would just let him do it…
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lunarkittenn · 8 months ago
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I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol
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i-really-like-phrogs · 7 months ago
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When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy
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#Y’all do this to me on a daily basis I swear#I literally can’t follow some people because their stuff is so good it breaks my heart#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about#Sure we’re all for self expression but so many of us are so used to being “the art kid” that anyone else taking or sharing that spot feels#like losing a peice of your identity.#I’ve had some artist friends who dealt with their jealousy by tearing others down or justifying their art by going#”Well you’re bad at ____ but I’m better at ____”#Or they would give unsolicited critique that was more like gently worded criticism than friendly advice to help someone reach their goals#And because of those experiences… I never want to become that person#I definitely get the surges of jealousy… But I very much try to remind myself that fellow artists are my friends-not my rivals#The people I feel the most envy for are often the people I hype up the most#And beyond that- nobody in the art community is trying to gatekeep information from you.#If you want to learn skills from other people- don’t hesitate to ask them. Most artists happily spill their brains for you in a conversatio#(Foolish artist… they don’t even know how many brain juices of theirs I’m absorbing-MWAHAHAHA)#(I’m gonna come come back stronger as an artist… And then I can learn and grow EVEN MORE BWAHAHAHA)#So anyway… Jealousy is a valid and very real thing… but what you choose to do about it can either hinder or help you.#That’s all folks#art meme#art
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the-woman-upstairs · 8 months ago
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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iguessitsjustme · 6 months ago
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*takes you by the hand as gently as I can*
You can dislike Maya without turning her into a one dimensional villain that serves no purpose to the story.
You can dislike Maya without disparaging the story and message the show is trying to convey.
You can hate Maya without moralizing your hatred. You can just hate her. It’s okay.
#i hear the sunspot#hidamari ga kikoeru#im just so tired of people shitting all over maya because she’s not perfect#she is complex and nuanced and maybe if given more than. oh i don’t know. one episode? we will see the complexity and nuance that is there#we had 7 episodes to learn about how kohei handles losing his hearing and he was offered grace#and i need you all to understand that i also don’t fucking like maya#she is an unlikable character#but thats kind of the point#but everyone’s reaction to her just proves her incorrect point about how people treat others with disabilities#yall can just say she’s unlikable without saying she’s pointless and why is she even friends with kohei anyway#yall can just say she’s unlikable without questioning the entire show#i’m gonna need everyone to take a minute and just think. think about how young she is. think about what she is actively losing#think about WHY she is behaving this way before jumping down her throat because she isn’t the perfect disabled person#and genuinely i want you to sit with my next question for a minute. just sit with it. i don’t need to know your answer#whether its yes or no that is between you and yourself#but i need you guys to think#would you hate maya this much if her gender was swapped?#would you have the same issues with how she’s acting if she were a boy instead of a girl?#again i don’t need to know your answer#but if you think your answer might be no…i want you to examine that#anyway that’s all. be careful how you approach me in talking about this btw. cause i have had it with the treatment of maya#i don’t want to defend characters i don’t like but some of the takes i’ve seen are just plain wild y’all
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sadaveniren · 5 months ago
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no one wants him to be harry
just because something is hard for you it doesn’t mean is not easy generally speaking
why don’t you go get whipped or slapped or whatever it is you do and stop talking nonsense
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Why are y’all so fucking obsessed with my sex life akfkakfkakf is it cause you don’t have sex???
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donnieisaprettyboy · 8 months ago
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2014 - realized I liked girls but began desperately trying to “pray the gay away”
2016 - stopped believing in Christianity as I began to better accept my sexuality
2020 - publicly came out as bisexual, and shortly after my gender crisis began
2021 - nonbinary ? we’ll run with it, I’m experimenting! I’m playing with it! I’ve been in college for a year so now I have the room to try some things out!
2023 - my first pride parade! and the gender crisis continues on…. I would really love more masculine features… a deeper voice is my dream… I see men with flat chests and I get so envious. maybe I’m trans?
2024 - FINALLY allowing myself to use multiple labels that feel right! nonbinary, transmasc, genderfluid, genderqueer, they all feel like ME! planning on starting HRT after I get married and get onto my fiancé’s health insurance. plan on getting married in a wedding dress because THAT’S WHAT I WANT! because gender is not a strict binary and I am allowed to play with it however I want! my gender is not for the pleasure or comfort of anyone else! I got to experience my SECOND pride finally feeling content with myself and my identity! I’m happy! I’m so happy :)
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solar-halos · 24 days ago
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i’m gonna see you alligators later
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godblooded · 19 hours ago
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honestly the worst feeling about losing everyone you’ve ever loved is you realize you will never be anyone’s priority ever again.
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itspileofgoodthings · 13 days ago
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idek why but this is Peak Romance(TM)
#the ending of Emma! is so warm and so funny#and so good#every emotional beat is so true#I also love the part where Emma learns that Harriet is engaged and she’s so overflowing with happiness#because one of her two obstacles to happiness has been removed#(And she’s working on the other obstacle her dad)#and it says she has to move around and talk to herself and laugh before she can be around anyone again#and I just—-aksjsjjsjdjdjdjd#I love it SO much. I have experienced that before!!!#just times where the overflow of happiness makes you so giddy and almost foolish you have to be alone#ALSO. I’ve been reflecting because years ago I read a piece of literary criticism that said that Emma never learns or changes#she’s Sad and forced to face the consequences of her Actions for like one afternoon#and then everything she wants to happen happens#and she gets to sort of just dance away with a sparkle in her eye#and the criticism was like ‘good for her but this is not a journey of change or growth’#and I’ve always been haunted by it because there is something true about it? Emma is still Emma is still Emma#and also because when I teach it I sort of have to be like ‘Emma has changed! and feels bad about stuff!’ because that’s just kind of#how you have to do it with teenagers/and/or it’s what THEY say#and I can’t contradict them but it doesn’t feel exactly true either#and I don’t know. it’s sort of hitting me this time around that there is just a deepening of Emma’s sweetness#in the second half of the novel and that’s why it always feels so warm#like. with Lizzy the change is so big you can absolutely feel it! it’s undeniable and it rocks her entire (internal) world#Darcy’s letter forces a change in her worldview. in her views of her family and her sisters and Wickham and Jane and just everything#but the box hill scene isn’t that with Emma —but it does pierce through …. something#some kind of flippancy maybe? coldness? she IS more likable in the second half of the book#and yet she is no different. idk I’m struggling to name it exactly#maybe it is a kind of growing up. it never feels quite as simple or as obvious as ‘now she has learned and will never do it again’#I actually think Emma will do it again a LOT lol (the small joke about shipping Mrs. Weston’s daughters with her nephews that Austen makes)#but it’s like—-the lifeblood of her heart has started flowing differently—if that makes sense#she crosses a threshold on the drive home from Box Hill when she sits in the back of the carriage and cries silently
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weaselishmcdiesel · 5 days ago
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#cat creech#cat creech is my vent tag i think. block it if you don’t want my venting#venting in these tags pls ignore this post if you don’t want to read vent#I feel like I don’t care about stories enough. I don’t read books watch movies or shows#the games I play I’ve already played before or have no story at all. I feel childish and trapped in familiarity#if I could slightly different versions of the same story over and over again I’d be happy. I don’t need stories at all it seems.#I even avoid it often. would opt for comedy or something baseless over a story.#and I wouldn’t be upset over this if I didn’t major in animation#I don’t want to be a director I don’t want to be a writer I don’t want to be in charge of story#but this stupid fucking school makes you do every part of the pipeline. I don’t read or watch anything so unsurprisingly my story is boring#my story for my thesis I mean. it’s uninspiring I’m not proud of it. and it’s changed so much from where it was in the beginning#it doesn’t even feel like mine anymore. I don’t like it and it’s not mine. I don’t want anything to do with it#and I think I realized that being a storyteller means having lessons to tell people or experiences to share#I don’t have either of those things. my life is uninteresting and I don’t learn from my mistakes. my mistakes themselves are boring#all my issues are boring and privileged. no one needs a story or lesson from me. what the fuck can I say that hasn’t been said#and even if I did have a story to tell I don’t want to? I don’t care to teach people or share my experience. that’s never been what art-#-was about for me. art is a selfish escape for me. nothing more. nothing artsy feely or intellectual. ‘why do you draw’ idk it’s fun#I remember old classes where people answered why theyre artists. everyone had interesting answers and here i was-#- I said because it’s fun. like a fucking childish moron. never should have pursued art as a job. you have to want to be an artist to make-#a living from it. I don’t want to be an artist. I just am one as a byproduct of drawing. not the same thing.#I don’t even want to fucking animate anymore. I don’t know what the fuck happened to me but I hate it I hate it so much#I miss when making art wasn’t a task or a job or homework. I really fucking do#I’m tearing up#anyway#weasel speaks#vent
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edge-oftheworld · 1 month ago
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I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.
I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.
I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.
I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.
and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?
#thoughts after how worried I’ve been recently. since june I think#I’d love to start a conversation in this fandom about the connection im newly discovering between burnout and mental illness and fatigue#in a way we can be positive about these things and be there for each other without calling anyone to confirm if we interpret some songs#to represent experiences that may or may not be theirs because it doesn’t matter in the end. we have these songs and if you get it you get#we’ve all been clocked as ‘not feeling very well’ recently anyway so. it doesn’t need to be specific. but we do need to be kind#like hey. artist. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through to have written these songs that mean this to me. but I’m here for you#fill in the blanks. all we’ve got are our stories to share. I hope mine helps us understand and be a little kinder to those who need it#without thinking we can judge who we think needs it. but rather default to kindness and in the case of musicians etc that means patience#it means we learn together. what it means to connect and have boundaries and the boundaries they might like to have#anyway I’ve not said who these songs are by so if you reblog and wanna tag another artist that’s g I’ve got a few by several others as well#but I know this fandom. I know this band and I know exactly why I worry for each band member though I’m not gonna say here. just. take care#5 seconds of summer#5sos#luke hemmings#ashton irwin#calum hood#michael clifford#exact experience of burnout I have talked about is that of someone with adhd and a pda profile and some form of bipolar#which may be a product of pda profile things or not. these aren’t the only diagnoses I’d likely fit but they are the ones that explain the#story and have guided me to understand how to recover and I’m doing that bit by bit. and if you want me to tell you how please ask#but I’m not advertising it cause that’s weird I’d sound like a scammer if I did. even if when I’m hypomanic I think I can heal everyone
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lethal-effect · 9 months ago
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Never thought I’d be feeling this defensive over Buddy Dawn but here we are
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zouisalmightie · 11 days ago
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i feel like all i ever do is complain about my job like there are some parts i really love about teaching but then some days i want to run and nosedive out the window
#anyways i’m going to complain in the tags so it’s easy to ignore#like#ugh!!!!#my district does not mandate any special curriculum like as long as you’re teaching to the standards it’s fine#my school paid for a textbook that is bad. it’s been bad. I have been complaining about the textbook for 6 years now and no one listens cuz#they don’t care about history and also my admin don’t know how to teach so they think a book with scripted lines and imbedded tests are good#cuz they think it’s less work and it kinda is but the book is BAD not up to date doesn’t give nuance#there’s a chapter on how thanksgiving was a good day and it was how the pilgrims said thanks and has nothing about the murder or#brutalization of the indigenous people. there’s like a chapter on slavery that’s like ‘Africans came on boats to help work the fields 😁’#and so i follow the timeline of the textbook i take excerpts from it and then I supplement the rest make it into a power point#give the students think questions for each section it’s rigorous but not too hard cuz most of my kids are below 8th reading comprehension#levels and ny admin come in and and are like why aren’t you using the book I’ve told you why I don’t but here is what I’m doing#well the kids aren’t discussing. today isn’t a discussion day today is a lecture day wed is discussion day after I give the facts#well they need to discuss everyday. well they don’t cuz they can’t discuss what they haven’t read yet. if they don’t know about the war how#can they discuss the war? like it’s a multi step process#but they want today im not doing my job cuz im not doing it how they went to one seminar and that presenter said is a new way to tech#never mind I have students that come back to me from high school like wow I miss your class I learned so much etc etc#like my kids learn everyday. the work is engaging every single day#LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME TEACH!! ive been doing this for almost 10 years i fucking got this#raaaaaaahhhh aaaahhhh gaaaaah kill stab bite murder murder violence!!!
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